We all have our strong points....

this is Sharon's favourite line.
Usually when she's asking me to do something anywhere near a computer, when she finishes the line "we all have our strong points, and this isn't one of mine".
I have over the past week found things I'm incapable of doing, but Sharon is Queen at.
That girl can wrap a Christmas present like nobody else. Anyone that knows me well, knows I cannot even wrap a sandwich.
And, bless her, she proved this morning that she can outbeat anyone in a hangover.
This morning was the worst I have ever seen her.
She came to work, took her timeshare tour, said "bye, lovely to see you" - looked at me, and exclaimed "oh no, i'm going to throw up", ran to the loo, and did exactly what she said she'd do.
(EVIL CACKLE)
I will let her tell you all the stories of last night herself. Otherwise, I'll get beaten for gossiping. hehehehehehehehehehe.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?

TEQUILA! (for you slow ones out there, just say it with a heavy fake Mexican accent).
Friends in Playa del Carmen, I will be arriving there on Saturday afternoon and staying until Monday morning.
PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY TIME!
I have a Mexican phone somewhere, and I will find the number - otherwise, ask Michelle Kinnon, she should have it.
I so look forward to seeing you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
andale, arriba arriba

Green eyed muppet

I'm listening to the Killers, drinking a glass of wine (thanks to the Doster/Stokely family CHEERS!) and thinking how good life is (skint is never a major affair) and I suddenly realised that this time next week I will be in England.
So I just gently reminded Paul that I would be eating real chips out of newspaper with vinegar, going for a serious curry, running round London being trendy (more like pretending to be 18 again). None of this phased him. Then I reminded him how we met in the first place, and he got rather upset. I will be drinking pints and pints of Guinness next week.
I gatecrashed Paul's birthday party a fair few years ago, I rolled up with bottles of Champagne (as you do) and then drank all his Guinness, which he still hasn't forgiven me for. Oh well!Don't forget kids, Guinness is good for you, the Toucan said so!

Special to make my mum smile

When I was in my late teens (and rather a rascal at that) I got home after a few days away, and looked in my bedroom - even I was gobsmacked by just how messy it was, and I exclaimed to my parents that it looked like my room had been burgled, but no, it was just my room as usual.
So, nearly 25 years on, I would like to say: Mum, your theory that I would grow out of the messy stage, well, it was just wishful thinking. This is my desk right now as I sit here and type.
I'm sorry, I know you did your best with that, but the neat and tidy thing, well it ain't happening. Let this be a warning to all you new parents out there....if you've got a young child that refuses to wear shoes, clothes and eats mud and yellow crayons, well, you've got some serious work on your hands!

Times are hard

Christmas is over, and after splurging for mum to come over, vast quantities of booze, baskets full of goodies from Wine de Vine, I am now officially skint.
I have just got home from work and looked in the fridge. It's a sad affair. I am the condiment queen.
Nobody at the resort wants me to book them in to look at the property, and I have failed miserably for nearly 2 weeks straight. I'm not sure whether to blame this on me wanting to drown Paul in his cornflakes, my mum being here, me trying to get back to England, or just that the guests are here with their families for a super time over the holiday period and don't have their heads anywhere near buying property.
So, Paul and I are living off a diet of liquorice allsorts, champagne and peanuts. Is there any major food group in there?

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

OK, so it's already the 28th of December....blablaba. I've been busy! Christmas parties all over the place, drinking and making merry - no time to blog.

Hope you all had a good one, "Sad Bastards" christmas day party was the best yet! 70 people dressed to the nines with only fun on their minds. Thank you Pedro for being Pedro, thank you Walter for cooking for HOURS!!!!! Thank you Chris and Grant for being the masters of secret santa, thank you Hilda for being the responsible adult and locking the bar up, and thank all the rest of you for being so much fun.

We drank and danced the night away, some just drank more....how's your head mum?

You will have to check Sharon's blog for photos, as I only took one picture all day, of mum posed on the poker table waiting for a ride home. Very elegant!Molly, rather scared of her antlersBasil, not at all impressed with his antlers

Couldn't wrangle the antlers onto mum whilst she was lying on the poker table outside the bar at 1am...... glass of wine anyone?

Cherie does San Pedro

Yes, yes, I know, you ALL know that my mum is here.
However, Thursday was my day off and for once, I actually took a day off!
Mum and I walked Molly from home along the beach and we had breakfast at Estelle's. Molly harassed us with her coconuts, every time she found one, I'd hide it on the table, so she'd go off and find another one. By the end of breakfast we had over 6 coconuts next to the salt, and the people at the neighbouring table thought we were slightly weird.
On our walk back home, we had to stop at BC's because we were just so very thirsty.....where we met up with Ruth, Ronnie and Glynnis.
After that, we walked to Caribbean Villas where we bumped into Ruth, Ronnie and Glynnis - funny that!
We quickly borrowed their buggy, shot home, grabbed our beach attire and spent the afternoon at the Catamaran Bar, sunning ourselves by the pool and drinking Margaritas.
A rather hungover Sharon joined us for a short while, as did Paul.
That was all I did! A first!
We then walked home, played rummy and drank a bottle of wine (or two), giggling the night away.
A perfect day off me thinks. I like it when Cherie does San Pedro, as Cindy does normal stuff she should be doing here anyway - instead of just working.

The Eagle has landed!

Well, the old bird has landed more like it!

Received by myself and Jimjam - she is knackered but very very happy.Let me out this bloody little plane!Tired and wrinkly, but very happy!

Even happier over in Grand Colony with a glass of wine and already half pickled friends

eeeeeeeeeee, I'm so excited I could crush a grape!

Obviously, the whole planet now knows that my mother is on her way to Cancun, and then on her way to see me. I'm so excited!!!

The logistics of all this seemed so simple when I clicked "buy now" on the website in the UK last week. Phoned mum "hey, I got you a round trip ticket to Cancun for next week". "Whoopee" said mum, and went off to Sainsbury's to buy sugar free Polos for Sharon, Liquorice Allsorts for Paul, and some Branston Pickle for me.

And all was good.

Then I realised she landed in Cancun on a Saturday and that I could not go pick her up.

No problem, she knows the way, she can catch the bus to Playa!

No more buses past 8pm and she lands at 9pm. Bugger.

I find a private airport shuttle service through PlayaInfo (Heather Anderson wherever you are - THANK YOU!!!!) for 62 US which will pick mum up with a little sign, and take her to her hotel in Playa del Carmen for the night. Great! I click "buy now" and the website kindly informs me that it'll be an extra 20 dollars as she is arriving past 8pm - no probs.

I get Pedro to book a room at the Costa del Mar. Find out Pedro didn't do it coz I forgot to call him back. Try to phone the Colibri hotel (I think Jose the guy there is great), can't get through on the number I have, so I start to rant and rave, end up phoning Pedro and demanding he book and pay for mum's room. Which he does. Bless.

And all was good again. I sent mum an email as long as my leg giving her all directions etc.

I phone Henry Menzies in Corozal and he will pick mum up at Chetumal bus station, cross both borders and drop her at the airstrip, where I reserved her flight to San Pedro.

And all was good again.

Then I get a phone call this morning from England. It's mum. Her flight is delayed 2 hours. No probs I tell her.

I call PlayaInfo, no answer, I send emails to both the taxi and the hotel, no answer. Run around house in pyjamas in panic (and yes it was that cold last night). Calm down.

Eventually get through to shuttle service who inform me that no problem, they have airline tracking device and know exactly when mum will land and they will be there for her no matter what time she arrives. I'm now very pleased with my 82 dollars rather well spent.

I ask Heather at PlayaInfo if she could call Jose at the Colibri hotel, to let him know mum will be checking in around 1am and to please leave a key with someone.

About an hour later I get an email from the hotel, informing me that their reception is open 24 hours a day, and seeing the amount of emails they have received from me, and phone calls from others (Heather and Pedro, several times...) that I must love my mum very much!

Amazed at this airline tracking thingy, I googled it, and found Cancun Airport tracking system! According to them, my mum is a) on time and b) set to land at 11.42 pm. How can she be on time if she lands 2.5 hours after she was due to??????? HAHHAHAHAHA. Anyway, I can't wait for tomorrow!

For those of you out there interested in prices and stuff, here is mum's journey:

Flight from London to Cancun round trip - super special offer 406 US

Private VIP transfer from Cancun to her hotel in Playa del Carmen 82 US
Cabana at the Colibri Hotel 60 US
Taxi to the bus station 2 US
Bus ticket from Playa del Carmen to Chetumal, approx 20 US
VIP transfer through Henry Menzies from Chetumal bus station to Corozal airstrip 30 US
Flight from Corozal to San Pedro 36 US

My face when she arrives, priceless.....

I'm back!

Good grief, 8 days of mystery vomit virus was definitely no fun! Am now feeling nearly normal, have lost a few pounds and an inch round my waist! I can nearly smell the victory of the diet!
My mum should be getting seated on her plane in Gatwick right now and I'm looking round the house not really knowing where to start. I have a "to do" list longer than my leg. I'd better get off my arse and don my Marigolds.
(For those non-British types out there, Marigold is a brand of rubber glove!)

Barf II - The return

I'm crap at being sick. I'm grumpy, I cry, I sleep, I don't eat.
After a shaky weekend, I woke up on Monday morning feeling like my legs weighed 40000 kilos and a dizzy head, with a pressing desire to barf. Back to the doctor I go. She takes blood, blood pressure, temperature etc. I'm even dizzier and barfier now. She sends me to bed for 3 days. It's day 3 and I'm at work. If I sleep any more my back will break. Feeling OKish. Phoned doc today and she says that after she saw me on Monday, there was a great influx of patients feeling exact same symptoms.
BEWARE: barfing virus takes over small island!

Barf

Eurk. Dr Lerida has confirmed my worse fears - I've got food poisoning. You know the rest. I'm just feeling very sorry for myself and was hoping for some online sympathy. I get none from Paul who just keeps calling me puke breath

Eureka!

That new fangled internet thing found its way back to my house!
At last!
That means I'll be posting a lot more crap from now on - yahoo!
Watch this space.....

SURPRISE!

I've just bought myself the best Christmas present ever! A plane ticket for my mum! She's coming over for 2 weeks. 11 days and counting! YEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAA
She's got under 2 weeks to get slim and brown! LOL

Where does time go?

Get up, pretend to exercise, feed mutts, charge round town in golf cart picking up business for Caribbean Treasures, shoot home for a shower and change, zoom to Banyan Bay, run round resort for hours, warp speed home, shower, change, go out, misbehave, home and sleep.

repeat. add Pedro's Inn on a Friday night. Add some chocolate sales. find time to talk to my mum on the phone for 20-30 minutes a day. play with pets. play with Paul. go out to play. No wonder someone told me I was looking tired the other day!

Oh, and of course, having a best friend that never sleeps. Thanks for all those early morning calls Sharon.

"I'm asleep. What are you doing?"